if you like me you must not know who I am
Do you still have your period?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
