areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
