Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
