Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
