there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
