I was born with a shot glass in my hand
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
