Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
