No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
