didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
