I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
