Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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