please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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