ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
