i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
