Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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