I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
