my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
