he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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