Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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