Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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