Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We had to coat check the pizza.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
