There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
