Quick, to the slutcave!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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