It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
