My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
