dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
