yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
