so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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