someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
