Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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