We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
