Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
