so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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