How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
