btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
