You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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