I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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