Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
