Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so let's talk penis.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
