he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
