She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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