the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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