I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
