if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
