I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
