a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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