Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
