You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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