There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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