the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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