Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
