the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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