This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am midnight drunk by noon
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
