He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
